Insomnia

I haven't been able to sleep for most of this break. The first few days I think were all. But now, I can't fall asleep until at least 3 if not later and then I sleep until 12;30 and the samething happens over and over again. I don'tknow why it is. This used to happen when I was younger on Sunday nights every so often or at the end of summer or a break when I had to return tos chool. But this is 3 weeks straight. It's getting ridiculous. My mom said back then when I coudln't sleep it must be because my mind was racing, even if I didn't know it. Nowadays, I may not be aware of it but my mind is constantly racing. I think right now, because I have such a strong fear of failure, that I'm constantlythnking about failing at my responsibilities for this upcoming semester. I know I haven't done a poor job so far, but I'm just always afraid I'm going to make a mistake. There are so many people who did not want me in this position, that I'm paranoid that if I make one mistake everything I've been working so hard at will come crashing down on me. I've wanted this for so long, and I finally have it and I love it, I do. And I work really hard at what I do, I put a lot of effort into this. Into this above all things, above things it shouldn't be above, like my recital (which is also freaking me out a bit), but I have that much dedication to this that it is my number one priority. And I wish everyone could see that, I wish everyone knew or that I could express or better portray how much this means to me and how much I love what I'm doing.

I think that once I'm back at school and this all gets underway, I'll be fine and I'll go back to sleeping. I'm not going to let this run my life. But right now I'm just scared of failure. And I'm also really excited, don't get me wrong. I'm extremely excited to be doing what I'm doing and be doing it with these amazing people, and I think that's part of it too. So one more week of insomnia and I'm back to school for what should prove to be one hell of a semester, in more ways than one.

Maybe reading some more will help. Maybe.