wow. Today started my last week at my summer job. I am extremely happy about the fact that I will not be working here anymore, I can say that much. I appreciate the money I'm making, because it's good money, but this job is just not for me. I'm someone who always has to be busy, I hate having nothing to do and this job provides me with the latter. I recently felt this job was starting to depress me, but really it was just bugging me, not having anything to do.
So there are so obvious positives to this job ending
1. It's ending
2. It means I go on vacation in a week
3. I go back to school in 16 days
But there are some negatives as well.
1. I go back to school in 16 days
2. summer is ending
You'll notice that the fact that i go back to school in a little over 2 weeks falls under both categories. Now, I love school don't get me wrong, I do but while this summer has been fun, I feel like I missed a lot of it. I worked everyday for 8 hours since the day I came home from school. I go out some nights and some weekends but actually for a good 5 weekends in a row I was busy, or visiting family or what have you. I just feel like I missed out on a lot of summer. I didn't go to the beach ever, I didn't go into the city like I usually do with friends, I haven't been able to do things with a lot of my friends because I work and some of them don't, or they have more flexible hours. So it kinda sucks. I wish I had just a little bit more time to hang out with my friends before going back to school. There are some friends I have seen only once or about a handful of times this summer. I know a lot of people that I know up at school don't have a good group of friends and home, in fact they really don't have any becauase they've lost touch, but Im a little different. I have a good core group of friends that I hang out with all the time at home and I'd really like to spend some more time with them before school starts. Maybe just one extra week of free time before band camp and school hit.
Another reason I'm a little nervous for school is because i have a lot of responsibilities and commitments this year. And while I'm no stranger to either of those things, and I love taking responsibilities and leadership and I'm fully committed to everything I do, I'm a little nervous, for the first time in my life, that maybe I'm taking on too much. I go back and forth between knowing I can do it, and doubting myself. These leadership positions I have taken on are things I have wnated since I was a freshman, and now that I'm a junior I can finally do it and I'm so excited, and I have so many ideas and I can't wait to get started, but another part of me is afraid that I just won't be good enough. I just have to keep teling myself I can. Because I know I can and I shouldn't doubt myself. I can do this. I can handle this. I know how to time manage, I will be fine. I will.
now that that rant is over. I am excited for school! band camp is soon and I can't wait to go to leadership camp and meet all the freshman, and move into my apartment, and start some of my music classes and enjoy the year as much as I can. =)
I can't believe I'm a junior. wow.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Monday, July 21, 2008
You Are My Home
So, this weekend was a lot of fun. A lot of stress, but it was nice to be back up in Syracuse after 2 months away; afterall Syracuse is basically my home now, I spend 8 months out of the year there. I didn't realize how much I missed it til I went back up this weekend.
I went up to start setting up my room in my new apartment - which was amazing! Granted it took a lot of work, but now my room looks great. It's small, smaller than I thought it was but it works. I painted it "Honolulu Blue" which I was a little afraid of, because I thought it might end up too bright but there's a lot of windows in my room which dulls it down a bit and I really like the color. On Saturday we spent hours looking for sheets and a comforter that would match and couldn't find anything so it was basically a bust. But Sunday we found a really nice one that is almost the exact shade of blue, and brown, beige and white striped. It sounds a little wierd but it looks great. And a carpet that is navy, blue, white, beige and a little green. AND we found a nice desk (since apparently my parents did not want me using the one i was given) that is an antiue white and wood and it looks great. and one of those 5 prong lights that is different shades of blue and beige. It really took a lot of work to get y room from what it was to what it is, not gonna lie lol. I'm also getting a new white dresser and putting in some shelves in the corner. I brought my keyboard up but right now it's in one of our common rooms (we have like 3) but I'll move it into my room as soon as I get back up there and finish putting in the furniture.
But it was really nice to go back other than to set up myroom, to see people. Heather was up setting up her room too and Renae came to help her which was nice. Renae is going to be visitng us so much. It's already been decided. We even have a very large, very comfy bean bag chair that she can sleep on (in addition to our couch). And a lot of people also happened to be visiting or live there this summer. Jeff came over for a little bit, then Kathryn stopped by for a few minutes and Greg came by when he found out I was visiting which was nice. I miss my big brother! Apparently Alyssa came by as well but I was out so I didn't see her, and Andrea too. =(. Steph (who came up with me) and I hung out in the apartment at night with Heather and Renae and then drove over to the hotel to sleep since we had nowhere to reallys leep in the apartment. (No bed set up. most of the apartment was storing different furniture till we moved it back)
We ended up leaving on Sunday almost 2 hours after originally planned and then hit a CRAZY storm right when we got on 81. I coudln't see 2 feet in front of me, let alone the lines on the road. But it passed after about half an hour and then we were fine. Although we hit traffic because of construction on EVERY road that I have to drive on to get home, so instead of taking about 3 1/2 hours it took us 5 hours to get home. I was not a happy camper. But, it was my first time driving up and back to Syracuse which was exciting.
Not much more else to say. It was a good weekend. This week looks to be promising. My mom bought me tickets to see Spring Awakening again tomorrow night (with the new cast!) which is exciting; although all she's doing is feeding my addiction to this show. Friday Tara is having Christmas in July which is cute. Tonight i might grab dinner with Tara and Steph and this weekend my moms side of the family is coming to visit (Although I do have some doctors appointments on Saturday which isn't fun). Less than two weeks til my vacation to Punta Cana and a little less than 4 til I head back up to Syracuse for fall semester. I can't believe summer is almost over already. It feels like it just started...
I went up to start setting up my room in my new apartment - which was amazing! Granted it took a lot of work, but now my room looks great. It's small, smaller than I thought it was but it works. I painted it "Honolulu Blue" which I was a little afraid of, because I thought it might end up too bright but there's a lot of windows in my room which dulls it down a bit and I really like the color. On Saturday we spent hours looking for sheets and a comforter that would match and couldn't find anything so it was basically a bust. But Sunday we found a really nice one that is almost the exact shade of blue, and brown, beige and white striped. It sounds a little wierd but it looks great. And a carpet that is navy, blue, white, beige and a little green. AND we found a nice desk (since apparently my parents did not want me using the one i was given) that is an antiue white and wood and it looks great. and one of those 5 prong lights that is different shades of blue and beige. It really took a lot of work to get y room from what it was to what it is, not gonna lie lol. I'm also getting a new white dresser and putting in some shelves in the corner. I brought my keyboard up but right now it's in one of our common rooms (we have like 3) but I'll move it into my room as soon as I get back up there and finish putting in the furniture.
But it was really nice to go back other than to set up myroom, to see people. Heather was up setting up her room too and Renae came to help her which was nice. Renae is going to be visitng us so much. It's already been decided. We even have a very large, very comfy bean bag chair that she can sleep on (in addition to our couch). And a lot of people also happened to be visiting or live there this summer. Jeff came over for a little bit, then Kathryn stopped by for a few minutes and Greg came by when he found out I was visiting which was nice. I miss my big brother! Apparently Alyssa came by as well but I was out so I didn't see her, and Andrea too. =(. Steph (who came up with me) and I hung out in the apartment at night with Heather and Renae and then drove over to the hotel to sleep since we had nowhere to reallys leep in the apartment. (No bed set up. most of the apartment was storing different furniture till we moved it back)
We ended up leaving on Sunday almost 2 hours after originally planned and then hit a CRAZY storm right when we got on 81. I coudln't see 2 feet in front of me, let alone the lines on the road. But it passed after about half an hour and then we were fine. Although we hit traffic because of construction on EVERY road that I have to drive on to get home, so instead of taking about 3 1/2 hours it took us 5 hours to get home. I was not a happy camper. But, it was my first time driving up and back to Syracuse which was exciting.
Not much more else to say. It was a good weekend. This week looks to be promising. My mom bought me tickets to see Spring Awakening again tomorrow night (with the new cast!) which is exciting; although all she's doing is feeding my addiction to this show. Friday Tara is having Christmas in July which is cute. Tonight i might grab dinner with Tara and Steph and this weekend my moms side of the family is coming to visit (Although I do have some doctors appointments on Saturday which isn't fun). Less than two weeks til my vacation to Punta Cana and a little less than 4 til I head back up to Syracuse for fall semester. I can't believe summer is almost over already. It feels like it just started...
Friday, July 18, 2008
See Me
Okay, so big news. My wonderful big brother (not by blood, by fraternity lol) who just turned 21 2 months ago just got engaged to his girlfriend of just about a year last night. They are both going to be seniors in college.
Pardon me while I have another freak out.
What?! I mean, I'm extremely happy for them, I am. I'm just...flabbergasted (great word). I didn't believe it at first when I got the text message (yes, you read that right - big news from a text message) but it is without a doubt true. I was driving in my car and I could hardly breathe when I figured out this was no joke. (And that is not an exaggeration)
I'm happy for them that they have found love in each other and that they feel that at this point in their lives they are ready to make this kind of commitment. All power to you my friends. I mean I of course have my concerns but, it is not my business to air out over the blogosphere so I'm going to keep it to myself.
But that does start me thinking about relationships in general and about my relationships - or rather, lack there of.
Since freshman year of high school I have been in 1 relationship. It lasted 2 months - we were just much better off as friends. I was a junior. Since then - nothing. Of course I always have my crushes and what not but unfortunately for me, when I get a crush - I get a crush. Lasts for a very long time, and I'll just leave it at that.
So now, here I am, 20 years old and I've never been in a serious relationship. Now, I know I'm not the only one out there but it certainly feels like it. All my friends from home have been in relationships for years. My one friend just broke up with her boyfriend of almost 4 1/2 years a few weeks ago, 2 other pairs are going on 5 years, my best friend is officially going on like 4 months but unofficially about a year, one of my roommates is going on a year this fall. I just feel like all around me are this great long lasting relationships and then there's me. I'm always that extra wheel if you will. Sometimes, when I think about my future, which I have been doing a lot of this summer, I wonder if I'll ever meet someone that I feel I can spend the rest of my life with. Hell, I wonder if I'll meet anyone to spend a few months with, let alone my life. It's kind of a scary thought to me, never falling in love. Love is so important to me and it is the one thing I want most of all in this world. To find someone who is like "my other half" someone I am comfortable with, and that I just want to be with. Someone who is my best friend. Of course, the love of my friends and family mean the world to me, but one day I really hope to find that "can't eat, can't sleep, over the fence world series kind of stuff" (I was watching It Takes Two this morning, forgive that quote). Sometimes I wonder if because I've never been in a serious relationship that when I do finally meet someone that I could really care about, that they'll be hesitant about getting into a relationship with me because of my lack of "experience" if you will.
I don't know. One day.
Pardon me while I have another freak out.
What?! I mean, I'm extremely happy for them, I am. I'm just...flabbergasted (great word). I didn't believe it at first when I got the text message (yes, you read that right - big news from a text message) but it is without a doubt true. I was driving in my car and I could hardly breathe when I figured out this was no joke. (And that is not an exaggeration)
I'm happy for them that they have found love in each other and that they feel that at this point in their lives they are ready to make this kind of commitment. All power to you my friends. I mean I of course have my concerns but, it is not my business to air out over the blogosphere so I'm going to keep it to myself.
But that does start me thinking about relationships in general and about my relationships - or rather, lack there of.
Since freshman year of high school I have been in 1 relationship. It lasted 2 months - we were just much better off as friends. I was a junior. Since then - nothing. Of course I always have my crushes and what not but unfortunately for me, when I get a crush - I get a crush. Lasts for a very long time, and I'll just leave it at that.
So now, here I am, 20 years old and I've never been in a serious relationship. Now, I know I'm not the only one out there but it certainly feels like it. All my friends from home have been in relationships for years. My one friend just broke up with her boyfriend of almost 4 1/2 years a few weeks ago, 2 other pairs are going on 5 years, my best friend is officially going on like 4 months but unofficially about a year, one of my roommates is going on a year this fall. I just feel like all around me are this great long lasting relationships and then there's me. I'm always that extra wheel if you will. Sometimes, when I think about my future, which I have been doing a lot of this summer, I wonder if I'll ever meet someone that I feel I can spend the rest of my life with. Hell, I wonder if I'll meet anyone to spend a few months with, let alone my life. It's kind of a scary thought to me, never falling in love. Love is so important to me and it is the one thing I want most of all in this world. To find someone who is like "my other half" someone I am comfortable with, and that I just want to be with. Someone who is my best friend. Of course, the love of my friends and family mean the world to me, but one day I really hope to find that "can't eat, can't sleep, over the fence world series kind of stuff" (I was watching It Takes Two this morning, forgive that quote). Sometimes I wonder if because I've never been in a serious relationship that when I do finally meet someone that I could really care about, that they'll be hesitant about getting into a relationship with me because of my lack of "experience" if you will.
I don't know. One day.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
A Little Left of Center
So, here I am bored at work again. I did well today keeping busy. I only have about an hour left at this point. You know what I did today? I went through cabinets of files for different jobs (I work at a construction firm) and hole punched any pages that weren't already punched and fastened in the folder. I did that about 2 weeks ago, so there really wasn't too much to do but I did what I could. I finished it awhile ago, I've been making some copies and finding some more filing to do since then. I would hate to do this as my job forever - they actually offered me the job after, I guess it was my 5th week here. I've been here 10 weeks now and I'm done after 2 more (thank God). I appreciate the money but I basically do nothing all day. So I email with my friends. Well 2 of them, but one of them only works Monday to Wednesday in an office so it's mostly my friend Steph and I emailing back and forth.
Have you ever felt...what's the word...different or misunderstood by the people closest to you? I guess that's the best word to use. Now, don't get me wrong, I adore my friends, I would be nothing without them and my life would be a lot less happy than it is, but sometimes I feel like they just don't understand me. I'm the butt of most jokes within my group of friends, and while there is never any malice or hurt and (depending on the topic) truth to the things they say, every once in awhile (and I really do mean not very frequently) I wonder if they just might not pick on me for once. They laugh at my obsessions with musicals and the characters of stories and the books I get involved in, and even my love for my university. Now I don't particularly mind being made fun of by them, I don't. I've faced it since I was in middle school (from different people though, and back then the teasing was just plain mean). I wish sometimes that I could have a friend that was so enthusiastic and crazy about certain things like me and would get excited with me, rather than laugh at my excitement (I mean I do have one friend who gets excited with me, just I guess not to my crazy extent and she joins in on the testing just as much as everyone else). I know that my friends kid around with me because they love me and because they know that I can take the joke. Hell, after 4 years of it, last year I finally gave in and Ive been making fun of myself for 2 years now - so I guess sometimes I even encourage this.
Steph says one day she knows I'm just gonna smack her for some of the things she says to me and makes fun of me for and you know someday the teasing may become too much for me but for now I only wish that sometimes they would just be a little nicer about the things that mean something to me. I know that they don't understand why I love Spring Awakening so much, or why I'm so into this Twilight series, or my passion for Syracuse and TBS and all the other things I do up there, but maybe one day they could just try?
So that was really just a lot of babble taken in random directions, trying to make sense and failing I think. I mean I know how I feel but I'm not sure I made it very clear with this blog.
Ah well, just don't think I'm mad at my friends or anything like that. Sometimes I just can't tell them that their teasing does get to me sometimes.
Well there is still nothing in the office for me to do, so I guess I'll go back to reading my book discretely...
Have you ever felt...what's the word...different or misunderstood by the people closest to you? I guess that's the best word to use. Now, don't get me wrong, I adore my friends, I would be nothing without them and my life would be a lot less happy than it is, but sometimes I feel like they just don't understand me. I'm the butt of most jokes within my group of friends, and while there is never any malice or hurt and (depending on the topic) truth to the things they say, every once in awhile (and I really do mean not very frequently) I wonder if they just might not pick on me for once. They laugh at my obsessions with musicals and the characters of stories and the books I get involved in, and even my love for my university. Now I don't particularly mind being made fun of by them, I don't. I've faced it since I was in middle school (from different people though, and back then the teasing was just plain mean). I wish sometimes that I could have a friend that was so enthusiastic and crazy about certain things like me and would get excited with me, rather than laugh at my excitement (I mean I do have one friend who gets excited with me, just I guess not to my crazy extent and she joins in on the testing just as much as everyone else). I know that my friends kid around with me because they love me and because they know that I can take the joke. Hell, after 4 years of it, last year I finally gave in and Ive been making fun of myself for 2 years now - so I guess sometimes I even encourage this.
Steph says one day she knows I'm just gonna smack her for some of the things she says to me and makes fun of me for and you know someday the teasing may become too much for me but for now I only wish that sometimes they would just be a little nicer about the things that mean something to me. I know that they don't understand why I love Spring Awakening so much, or why I'm so into this Twilight series, or my passion for Syracuse and TBS and all the other things I do up there, but maybe one day they could just try?
So that was really just a lot of babble taken in random directions, trying to make sense and failing I think. I mean I know how I feel but I'm not sure I made it very clear with this blog.
Ah well, just don't think I'm mad at my friends or anything like that. Sometimes I just can't tell them that their teasing does get to me sometimes.
Well there is still nothing in the office for me to do, so I guess I'll go back to reading my book discretely...
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
There's Still Hope
So here I am again with yet another internet blog thing. I've become very, well fickle i guess would be the best word, with my internet blogs. I had an open diary account for awhile back in middle school and was surprisingly good about writing in it everyday. I even used to keep a real written journal back then too. That has since been deleted (not by me. I love looking back on old posts and seeing what was going through my head at different times. It amazes me how much I've grown up). I've had a livejournal towards the end of middle school. Pretty sure that was deleted. And I have had a xanga during high school. That still exists and I go back and read it from time to time. I only really wrote in it for freshman and sophomore year I guess, and every once in awhile since then. There's probabaly 5 entries from my 2 years in college. But I always like to have these, even though I feel like I start a new one every few years.
I've been thinking a lot this summer and I don't know why. But I feel like even just over this summer I've grown up and matured. Maybe it's because I work in an office every day for 8 hours and i feel like a real "grown up" so to speak but I don't really know. Maybe it's because I'm taking on more responsibilities next year at school, what with being VPM for Tau Beta Sigma, a captain for SUMB and being a junior music ed major which is a task unto itself. Maybe it's because of these responsibilities that I feel I need to act older than I am. I'm only 20 but I feel like I should be acting more mature than I have in the past. Not to say I'm not mature and I act like I'm 10 or 14 or something like that. I act my age but sometimes I just feel like I'm more immature than I'd like to be. I don't really know why I'm babbling about this. It barely even makes sense to me but it's my blog, and so that's what I'll do.
I feel like part of this maturing, as silly and crazy as this will sound, is because of my current fascination with Spring Awakening and it's cast. I saw Spring Awakening for the first time on January 6 of this year (no I did not remember back that far, I saw it last night and when I put my ticket in my little photo book for my musicals I saw my first ticket) and I absolutely fell in love. I had been listening to the music for months and the show just blew me away. It was all I was listening to. I found out soon after I got back to school when the 2 leads would play their final show and after realizing I would be home by then I found 2 seats and my mom bought me the tickets for my birthday (which was in April). I went to the show and yet again fell in love with a renewed passion for it. I come to work everyday and I get bored so back then in May I was on the Spring Awakening forums constantly reading different peoples opinions, reviews of the show, meeting new people, getting different outlooks and perspectives on certain things and I was hooked. I bought onstage seats for June 7 next to one of my favorite cast members (who was understudying that day so I didn't get to sit next to him) and I met a lot of the cast at the stage door. Yet again I fell head over heels. And I saw it once again last night from the front row and of course, there was never a doubt in my mind, I found a new refreshed view of the show and said hello to a few cast members again. The reason I thnk this show has been a part of my maturing is because, because I have become so involved in this show I have talked to people from different age groups and I've listened to interviews with these actors from the show who are all around my age and the way they speak just blows me away. I felt like every time I watched something of the cast they were so deep and had so much understanding of not only this show and their characters but of the world we live in. I don't know why but I think to myself, "wow, I wish I could do that. Be so articulate and thoughtful" and so throughout the summer, while yes, my friends things I'm insane to be so caught up in this show, it's taught me something strangely enough. I'm learning how to grow up. After all, that's what the show is all about. And you all may think of crazy, but I know that I am not the only person out there that has been affected by this show. Go on a forum and see for yourself.
I've also been thinking a lot about me and my dreams. I'm a singer. It's what I do. When I first went to college I was a performance major. After one year I changed my mind and transferred to the music education program. And I do not regret that decision. I don't. I would love to teach music and I'm so incredibly excited to go back and start all my really awesome classes next semester. But since the summer started I've been thinking about why I don't do shows anymore, and yea it's mostly because of timing and auditions that I can't do because of my schedule and the fact that I go to school 4 hours away from where I live during the summer. But another part of me wonders if I'm just afraid to put myself out there. My dad sent me this thing to sing for a Frank Sinatra tribute in December. The application and recorded audition are due August 1st. I thought about sending one in, but the show is my last day of finals, granted I'll probably be home by then, but I also have to commit to 2 rehearsals which are undetermined at this point (this is all speculative if I would have even been chosen) and I can't commit to those without knowing dates because I go to school over 5 hours away from where this theater is. I want to. I want to do it. I also wanted to submit an audition tape to the Spring Awakening casting directors through the webpage, but I'm scared. I'm scared that I'm just not good enough. I remember thinking all year when I would try out for solos in Main Squeeze (my a cappella group) and I repeatedly wouldn't get them or would be like second to someone most of the time that I'm good, just not quite good enough. Now that's not a nice feeling. I've since gotten over that slightly, but half the time I still feel that I'm just not good enough.
I'll end this here for now, because I have a few more things to take care of before I leave this dull job for the day, but I'll certainly be back tomorrow I think.
I think I'm going to like this new blog. ..
I've been thinking a lot this summer and I don't know why. But I feel like even just over this summer I've grown up and matured. Maybe it's because I work in an office every day for 8 hours and i feel like a real "grown up" so to speak but I don't really know. Maybe it's because I'm taking on more responsibilities next year at school, what with being VPM for Tau Beta Sigma, a captain for SUMB and being a junior music ed major which is a task unto itself. Maybe it's because of these responsibilities that I feel I need to act older than I am. I'm only 20 but I feel like I should be acting more mature than I have in the past. Not to say I'm not mature and I act like I'm 10 or 14 or something like that. I act my age but sometimes I just feel like I'm more immature than I'd like to be. I don't really know why I'm babbling about this. It barely even makes sense to me but it's my blog, and so that's what I'll do.
I feel like part of this maturing, as silly and crazy as this will sound, is because of my current fascination with Spring Awakening and it's cast. I saw Spring Awakening for the first time on January 6 of this year (no I did not remember back that far, I saw it last night and when I put my ticket in my little photo book for my musicals I saw my first ticket) and I absolutely fell in love. I had been listening to the music for months and the show just blew me away. It was all I was listening to. I found out soon after I got back to school when the 2 leads would play their final show and after realizing I would be home by then I found 2 seats and my mom bought me the tickets for my birthday (which was in April). I went to the show and yet again fell in love with a renewed passion for it. I come to work everyday and I get bored so back then in May I was on the Spring Awakening forums constantly reading different peoples opinions, reviews of the show, meeting new people, getting different outlooks and perspectives on certain things and I was hooked. I bought onstage seats for June 7 next to one of my favorite cast members (who was understudying that day so I didn't get to sit next to him) and I met a lot of the cast at the stage door. Yet again I fell head over heels. And I saw it once again last night from the front row and of course, there was never a doubt in my mind, I found a new refreshed view of the show and said hello to a few cast members again. The reason I thnk this show has been a part of my maturing is because, because I have become so involved in this show I have talked to people from different age groups and I've listened to interviews with these actors from the show who are all around my age and the way they speak just blows me away. I felt like every time I watched something of the cast they were so deep and had so much understanding of not only this show and their characters but of the world we live in. I don't know why but I think to myself, "wow, I wish I could do that. Be so articulate and thoughtful" and so throughout the summer, while yes, my friends things I'm insane to be so caught up in this show, it's taught me something strangely enough. I'm learning how to grow up. After all, that's what the show is all about. And you all may think of crazy, but I know that I am not the only person out there that has been affected by this show. Go on a forum and see for yourself.
I've also been thinking a lot about me and my dreams. I'm a singer. It's what I do. When I first went to college I was a performance major. After one year I changed my mind and transferred to the music education program. And I do not regret that decision. I don't. I would love to teach music and I'm so incredibly excited to go back and start all my really awesome classes next semester. But since the summer started I've been thinking about why I don't do shows anymore, and yea it's mostly because of timing and auditions that I can't do because of my schedule and the fact that I go to school 4 hours away from where I live during the summer. But another part of me wonders if I'm just afraid to put myself out there. My dad sent me this thing to sing for a Frank Sinatra tribute in December. The application and recorded audition are due August 1st. I thought about sending one in, but the show is my last day of finals, granted I'll probably be home by then, but I also have to commit to 2 rehearsals which are undetermined at this point (this is all speculative if I would have even been chosen) and I can't commit to those without knowing dates because I go to school over 5 hours away from where this theater is. I want to. I want to do it. I also wanted to submit an audition tape to the Spring Awakening casting directors through the webpage, but I'm scared. I'm scared that I'm just not good enough. I remember thinking all year when I would try out for solos in Main Squeeze (my a cappella group) and I repeatedly wouldn't get them or would be like second to someone most of the time that I'm good, just not quite good enough. Now that's not a nice feeling. I've since gotten over that slightly, but half the time I still feel that I'm just not good enough.
I'll end this here for now, because I have a few more things to take care of before I leave this dull job for the day, but I'll certainly be back tomorrow I think.
I think I'm going to like this new blog. ..
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